The March of the Shameless Pagan

     I want to get all religious on you guys for a moment.  Yeah, I know, settle in for a rant.  You’ve seen them before—all over Witchvox and any other public Pagan forum—the ol’ “What I Think of Christians” thing.  It’s nearly as popular as “Would You Like to Hear How I Became a Pagan?”  I’ll try to keep it brief and only talk on points of ponder for the moment.  Hopefully this will be fresh news for you as well.  This is also the angriest you will probably see me in a long while, so tuck in.

     So you all (you countless throng who flock to this blog…hey—I can dream) know that I like to discuss religion and spirituality, no matter in what form it may come.  I come here and on our coven’s website (**shameless plug**  www.OrbisProsapia.com) to talk about magic and Paganism with as much openness and enthusiasm as our readers rightly deserve.  I tell you to be honest with yourselves and honest with others.  I give any interested party advice on handling being a happy outsider in this exclusive society.   But what I rarely do is talk about the real nuts and bolts of my beliefs.  At first it was that I figured no one would find it interesting.  Then it became that I have bigger concepts to be dealing with, and so does the reader.  Finally we arrive where I am now—it’s nobody else’s business.

     That’s right.  Just like what I do in the bedroom, who I do it with, and what tunes I sing in the shower in the morning, ain’t nobody’s business but my own.   I have found that the more I tell people about my most touching moments in the presence of the Gods, the less amazing they begin to seem.  Maybe keeping it all for myself makes me selfish but at least I’m not engaging in those boring “who’s had a cooler experience with Hecate” debates.  I don’t like one-upmanship.  So my religious sentiments, while well founded on our predecessors, are my own thing and likely will remain so.

     But one thing I feel very strongly about sharing is my right to be Pagan.  Now I don’t inject it into every conversation but it may occasionally come up in polite society.  There’s no reason that it should be a topic the equivalent to abortion or diarrhea, discussed in hushed tones out of earshot to “regular” people.  (Ha! Get it?)  It is just as worthy as talking about your grandson’s Christening or last Sunday in church.

     As an example, the local preacher struck up a conversation with me one late December: 

“Are you ready for Christmas?” he said with a big smile. 

“Not me.  There’s a lot left to do!”

“Well, you only have 12 days left!” he chided.

“Actually our family celebrates the Winter Solstice, so I only have 9.  I’d better get a move on, eh?” 

     Pretty painless, right?  Yes, his smiled sort of slid to the left as though it was melting but I think that was more shock than anything else.  Ever since we moved here I’ve been 100% genuine with my neighbors.  It hasn’t won me any popularity contests but, naturally, lies are so much more polite.  Failure to hide what makes you different around here is the same thing as blowing your nose on your shirttail.  So I’m not beloved but I’m not gossiped about either.  Before they knew me I was, of course, but now, nary a whisper.  I give them no ammo so now they can’t shoot.

     But I’ve often heard about Pagans who fear these shots so much that they construct elaborate lies to hide their core beliefs from everyone they know.  They tell the neighbors they’re “going to visit family upstate” as they pack for a festival.  They are too afraid to ask for the Sabbats off from work, lest someone should find out why.  They find a person who may or may not be “one of us” and ask a series of semi-innocent questions and look for tell-tale answers, like a secret handshake.   Seriously people!  Is this really necessary?

     Let’s go back for a sec, way back.  Christianity began as just another oddball sect in a time when oddball sects were rising up like the death toll in Deuteronomy.  Through time, promises, war, murder, money, and missionaries we arrive at the present time when this one system has gotten so big that it has branched out into dozens of smaller offshoots with their own churches, books, and leaders.  Christianity has become so big as to be considered the norm.  Now, let’s explore that for a bit.  In the area in which I live, SUV’s, acrylic nails, and Nantucket capris are the norm.  If I were to take my cues from what is most popular, I would look and act like a total douche.  So I don’t do that.  I go my own way and I have no shame for it.

     And there’s my revelation.  NO SHAME.  What do we owe big-box religion that we must tell lies and hide ourselves?  What are we so afraid of that we cannot celebrate what we like when we like?  You say that one gets treated unfairly in the community?  Brother, it’s just like high school—they’ll hate you for one thing or hate you for another; the reasons don’t matter at that point.  You say one may be in danger of losing one’s job?  I say we have laws for that, no matter where you are in America, and there are plenty of lawyers looking to snag an easy case like that.  You say that businesses have been vandalized, threats declared, and people harassed?  I say look at the facts: How many of them have been reported to the authorities?  How many victims have found hostility in their community but demanded their place in it nonetheless?  The deal is to learn the law and your place in it, speak up for yourself, and have ready a lawyer to whom you can refer if necessary.  Prepare yourself so you can go in without fear.

     And here comes fear again.  What makes one faith so grand that it is automatically larger than all others, larger than the law?  Now, I’m not one to run to the police for anything.  I take the same stance on police as I do doctors and dentists.  I’d better be bleeding or decomposing in no less than two places before I’ll submit to going there.  But the police can be a real asset—when you know your rights.  Don’t let them write you off as too much paperwork.  Demand to be heard.  You have nothing to fear.    

     My neighbor from Texas says “It just ain’t safe in Texas.  If we’d met in Waco, instead of here, I would have lived next door for months before ever finding out you were Pagan.”  That’s where I said “No way, because that’s not how I am.”  You see, the place is irrelevant.  The situation is irrelevant.  The Bible may be popular but it doesn’t own the Bible Belt.  Zip codes change but I am the same wherever I go.  And, as an aside, Texas seems to have more Pagan/occult shops than any other state in the US.  The listing in Witches and Pagans Magazine (issue #22, “Southern, Pagan & Proud” ) was quite impressive.

     I’ve always seen Atheists as a kindred spirit though, admittedly, they might not see it that way (being that I am far from God-free, having way more Gods than Christians, who are their main combatant.)  When I hear Athiests speak, though, I hear rationality and pride.  They take what they see, what they’ve learned, and what they feel and assemble it in a way that is separate, but just as heartfelt, as any other worldview.  As Pagans we should take a leaf from their book: learn how to debate sanely, how to stick up for your right to be different, and how to live free without shame.  With no secret handshakes.

     We all deserve that.

The Half-Year of Living Covenlessly

            As you probably have noticed, I have been away from this site for a while.  In fact, I’ve been away from my coven leadership duties just as long.  What was at first a trying situation soon became quite nice.

            Allow me to explain.  And when I say explain I mean to bare my soul in all its gory glory.  Or at least, as much as I will ever know how to do for a faceless public.

            First came Yule.  Now Yule to our family is not a supplement to Christmas.  It is the true winter holiday complete with music, presents, games and a huge feast.  I love going all out for Yule and I generally overdo things by a mile or so.  But this past year I felt harried and late for all the things which usually give me the greatest pleasure.  The day itself was lovely, the ritual was divine.  But, through it all, something felt off.  I just didn’t get that spark.  You remember that wonderful, flighty feeling you got as a child?  That feeling of anticipation, excitement and sheer bliss that made you feel like a pop bottle full of fizz?  Many people lose that as they get older.  They get into the business of the holidays and forget all the things which once gave them wonder.  I absolutely hate when people say “The holidays are for the kids”.  That just means that they have given up on ever finding a child’s level of happiness for themselves.  I don’t want to do that.

            But somehow, this past year, while beautiful and rich in every way, left me sans spark.  It eluded me until the day ended.  And I was left with the question: what did I do wrong?  Wasn’t everything perfect?

            After all this while, I understand.  It was in my very efforts to be perfect, to make everything perfect, that I kept the spark at bay.  So that was my Yule lesson.  Next year I’ll learn from that and focus on the spark instead of the perfect mashed potatoes or the perfect number of cookie varieties.  

            (But keep all of this in mind because it will come around again in my story.)

            Within this span of time, our coven began to show signs of trouble.  The group, always a small clutch of Pagans in the decidedly non-Pagan area of rural central PA, was losing two more members.  Our membership requirements are more about dedication to working with the coven than tradition or prior knowledge so many of our past members have been of dubious training.  Comings and goings are nothing new to us.  I don’t really think that is too surprising for most covens today since it’s as hard to find a dedicated member as it is to find an inspiring coven to which to be dedicated.  But this was a bit different for me.  This time it was not only a group they were leaving but the entire Pagan community.  Somehow, they no longer wished to be Pagan.  They left the whole damn religion.  I was shocked, hurt and a little scared of what part my leadership played.

            So there I was asking those fateful questions again: What did I do wrong?  Wasn’t everything perfect?  

            It took some time but I’m sure you are following the answers at a much faster rate than I came up with them.  I had drained away the spark, in myself and maybe in the rest of the coven, by focusing on perfection.  Sure, being perfect in a group which holds meetings, magical workshops and large celebrations for each sabbat complete with music, feasts and memorized rituals is a little harder than perfection one day out of the year.  But that was always my goal.  I worked so hard at it.  Now, it may be that the couple’s leaving was a simple matter of personal issues coming to a head or it may be that the input we ask from our members was too much for them.  But though I may never know whatever it really was, the point is that it wasn’t working for any of us they way things were.

            So Imbolc came.  I hoped things would start to come back into focus.  I still carried that weight of failure but now cynicism was starting to settle in.  I tried to be hateful about our issues only in private, when possible.  We didn’t perform the group’s ritual but did uphold our own family traditions of the holiday.  I had to admit, it was refreshing to only have to concern myself with the one ritual instead of two.  

            And Ostara came.  I was thinking I might actually get used to this.  We held our own practices with the family but also held the group’s big outdoor ritual as well.  I noticed how little I worried about when it was just us.  We had our own tempo and I could just let the event play out in time to it.  And I was starting to get it: a coven isn’t defined by the number on the roster.  It’s the richness of their experiences together that matter.  I was starting to see that value.

            For Beltane, where this tale ends, our family skipped out completely on the concept of holding a ritual of our own and, instead, ran off with thousands of other happy folks to the Fairie Festival in Glen Rock.  We all got a much-needed dose of carefree pleasure.  We saw such wonderful examples of individuality and creativity yet no examples whatever of criticism.  It lifted my spirits considerably (as did the three shows we attended of the incredible Wendy Rule!)  It was great to think of myself as being totally without responsibility to anyone other than my family.  The only preferences I needed to concern myself with were those of my husband and children.  I knew and agreed with our tastes in foods, music, waking time/bedtime and even the pace at which we walked through the fair.  There were no meetings (nor the stress of realizing that one needs to be scheduled right away), no events to record, no website updates.  We just acted on our own behalf.  If we wished to attend a ritual, it would not be one I wrote, lead or provided all tools and ingredients for.  If we danced the Maypole, it would not be one of Artayous’ construction.  He would not have to erect it and I would not have to lead the dance.  Maybe it was this selfish irresponsibility I loved.  Maybe it was freedom.  Maybe it was that wonderful blend of each for which the Fay are so well-known.  Whatever it was, I was engrossed in it.

            The point of all this is that leading a group is a challenge that even a person who loves doing it will certainly stumble under sooner or later.  It’s nice to lay your burden down for a while.  But before I take this pack up again, I need to adjust some things.  I want to be sure that I only have what I need in this cumbersome pack and that, if I must carry the weight of many, I’m frugal about their options as well. After all, a coven leader carries much but she should never carry her coven-mates.

Christian Day and the Debate Over Public Greatness

Hello again, my fellow Pagans.  You may have noticed that I haven't written in a long time.  Part of that was the stress of performing the spinning-plate act which is my life as a mom/wife/writer/witch and part of it was that I forgot my password.

There.  I said it.  I'm fallible and forgetful. 

Moving on...




Naturally, I found both time and password to talk to you for the simple reason that I felt I just had to, one way or another.  There is something very troubling happening in the Pagan community right now.  What began as a simple scuffle over magical monikers has become an online WWI.

Yes, I'm talking about Christian Day, Charlie Sheen and the binding heard 'round the world.  To give the short version, Sheen makes wild and cryptic remarks about his 'awesomeness', uses some touchy words in describing himself and a few live-in porn stars, the Witches of Salem get wind of this, disapprove like crazy, vow to stop him from using words like "Warlock", "High Priest", and "Goddess", cast a binding on Sheen with intent to cease his bad behavior and get him back into "doing what he does best", media tide starts to turn, Sheen starts being depicted as drug-addled and a dead-beat dad, and finally the magical community goes nuts  -- some in favor some against -- but all livid. 
 
Now, before I get into my take on this, I want to be very clear on a few things:

• Charlie Sheen is barely a celebrity and barely an actor.
• Christian Day didn't just appear during this debacle; he's been a figurehead of Salem for many years and has had countless interviews and appearances before and since.  Look him up in Judika Illes' "Field Guide to Witches".
• Flooding media coverage often blows an issue out of proportion and headlines put words in people's mouths.  Read carefully.
• Media is for everyone.  If you want to be covered by the local paper, do something impressive/relevant and call them up.  Same goes for TV and internet.  There's no rule against public magic or what we can and cannot do to promote our practice.
• Virtually none of the people screaming over the actions of Christian Day know anything about his contributions to the Pagan community.  Even less of those people are active in their own practice.

So, now that we have some foundation to this problem (and now that I sound really pissed off) let me just say that this whole thing leaves me with one thing -- sadness.  What has happened to us?  Where did we go wrong to make our community so willing to tear each other apart?  Has it always been this way and I just never saw it?  Is it the internet which makes an individual so ruthless, so bloodthirsty, that they'd nonchalantly tell a person that they should be dead for their opinions? 

Yes, I've seen people tell each other that they deserve to die because they took one side or another.  It sickens me to think that my own people so hate each other.  I stayed quite positive on this front for some time, saying instead that when one is not face-to-face bold things are said carelessly.  But now, I'm not so sure. 

Perhaps the independence from mainstream society has turned us into the permanent rebel who must make their 'in-crowd' smaller and smaller just to prove how special they are.  So we demand a person's credentials, we give no one the benefit of the doubt, we sneer at any attempt to inspire togetherness.  Suddenly, we're obscure to even the obscure crowd.  We claim that in order to be truly great, no one must ever have heard of you.

Or perhaps this is only a problem faced by those of us who try to congregate online.  The internet is a harsh place, full of potential fraud and lies, especially for Pagans.  Books are plagiarized, personal artwork and writings are stolen or altered, names are libeled, magic is bought and sold at disturbingly high prices. But for all its flaws the internet essentially fulfills the same purpose now as in its inception: bringing together people -- for good or bad -- for the exchange of ideas. 

So why have these ideas become so hateful?  Well, this Sheen thing is a thorny issue which was bound to raise some folks' hackles.  The fact that Christian Day is not claiming to hurt Sheen (and in fact wanted to help him) makes it hard for people to be straight-out angry with him.  Instead they pick on his publicity.  Here, too, Day makes waves: he welcomes publicity and, living in a tourist town, knows the game better than most.  This really riles up the practitioners who either a) don't believe it is proper/helpful/safe to invite media attention, or b) never get their own opportunity to invite media attention.  So, again, frustration.

Maybe that's our answer: frustration.  I know that I am frustrated; I haven't achieved my goals yet and every minute I spend in these pointless debates only sets back that time-line.  Maybe all these angry people are feeling the same way.  But when this noise came to my attention in a very personal way (my brother became one of the noisy detractors, though I really thought him better than that), I stepped up.  I supported my fellow practitioner and spoke on his behalf, as have many many other Pagans.  I didn't do it because Day and I are friends (I barely know him and my last encounter wasn't very positive), I did it because it was the right thing to do.  Day has created events, stores, a radio show, and a public persona and presence which have been very positive for the Pagan community nationwide.  I don't agree with everything he's done (and I've repeatedly told others that they needn't either) but I do believe that he's done us good and continues to do us good.  Even if you categorically despise what Day and his group has done, ask yourself, "Is an entire history of positive work to be wiped away the first time I disagree with its maker?" 

If this is your take on things, you must do like your fellow detractors and be as careful as possible never to do anything of merit, lest others flay you if you betray their vision of perfection. 

The point is, we cannot go forward if all we wish to do is pick at the feathers of those standing nearby.  This gossip, in-fighting, and lying gets us nowhere.  I'm not even talking about how we look to non-magic folk.  I really don't give a fig about what they think of us or me personally.  No, the set-backs are simply within our own potential to do good for one another.  If we're so busy making each other feel little for whatever we do, when will we have time to create our own greatness?  And even if we do create it, who will be bold enough to present it, knowing it will be eviscerated before our very eyes by those who were supposed to be our people?

Well, I will still write.  Despite all the non-professional internet critics who will hate my books.

I will still read.  Despite all those who say my choices aren't traditional enough, obscure enough or popular enough.

I will still lead my coven.  Despite all those who may say it's not big enough, powerful enough or rich enough to be worthwhile.

I will still teach my children and the public the magical arts.  Despite all those who may say they know best who magic is for and who should be banned from it.

Please, please all of you -- do the same.  Just for me.  Just for you.  Turn off your computer -- well, after you're done reading, please -- and start working on your greatness.  Don't listen to the angry know-it-all's who only want to tell you no/can't/mustn't.  Tell yourself yes/can/must -- say it now and say it often.  You are a generator of power and that power is wasted unless it is set to work. 

No one is racing against you but you are racing against the clock.  We only have a short amount of time to make our mark on the world and by waiting, we give ourselves fewer and fewer chances to start making that mark.  There is no test you must pass before you're "qualified" to be great and there is no one person or body of persons whose favor you must curry with your greatness.  There is only you, your potential, and what you're going to do with it.


For those of you who don't know what you could contribute -- or -- for those of who who are uncertain whether or not your current contributions are your best, here's a starter list:


Your greatness can be recognized by:
  

• It creates.  Even if your actions initially tear something else down, they also must build up again.  If not, you are not great -- if you only take and not give, you are a jerk.
• It is humbling.  Authors are giving away cherished information.  Artists are letting one-of-a-kind work leave, never to be seen again.  Musicians and singers bare their souls to the audience.  Even if they are immensely popular, they will always carry that sacrifice. 
• It brings you together, not sets you apart.  We are a community.  We need each other, like it or lump it.  Your greatness should connect you with other people.  It may feel strange if you're not normally social, but it will also feel very good.
• It makes you smile.  Your greatness will give you that good feeling which goes beyond ego-gratification.  It's about being good at what you do but mainly just about being good.  You don't have to be a fluffy-bunny to just be a good person.  I've met good and bad of every magical stripe but those people who are doing something important in their lives are rarely unhappy.  Happy people know they're worthy of happiness.  Unhappy people feel that no one is worthy of happiness.
• You care about it, you strive for it, you work to make it better.  If you don't, then your heart isn't in it.  If your heart isn't in it, then it will never be worth a damn.

Take a look at your goals, your current attitudes and actions.  Take a look at those of the people you know.  Look, too, at this Day/Sheen mess.  Are you aware of who is reaching up and who is swinging wild?

Begin now, for all of us, to reach up to greatness.

The Signs Along the Way

Between the many things which have come and gone from my lives (personal, professional, public) lately, I have come to an understanding about a few key issues.  I know that in the grand scheme of life, the little things are of no value.  But, in the act of living, the days are made of little things.  When we give too much time and thought to the details, though, we forget where we were going in the first place. 

That kind of thinking detoured me for quite some time, actually.  Now I'm back on the right road and picking up speed.  What follows are some of the signposts I've passed and maybe a few I see up ahead. 

• Spirituality isn't for a special day.  It isn't about hurrying up and getting everything done so we can carve out quiet time in which to recognize our "oneness."  It's about going about your life, in a spiritual way.  Awareness that this day will never come again and the time we have with loved ones cannot be counted.  
• It is never too late to rearrange your dream.  The perfect plan is normally the third one you come up with.
• There will be ten nay-sayers for every one person who is supportive.  Don't rely on the world to listen politely, no matter how wonderful your message.  Get a thick skin to criticism but let compliments sink in without restriction.
• We're only running a race against ourselves.  I'm not in competition with you and you're not in competition with me.  Our True Will is not a contest.
• Age means nothing.  I'm far more advanced than some people ten years older than me; I'm also less than some who are ten years younger.  
• Magic doesn't need to constantly happen in your life in order for your life to be a success.  Magic is what you do in order to improve life.  Once those improvements are here, enjoy them without hesitation!  
• Do what you do with all your heart.  No one can see the goal you set in your head, they only see what you've done.  Make it the best you can!
• Meeting new people is never wasted.  Even when the person is a good-for-nothing, you will certainly learn something from the experience.  And remember that speaking your mind (with tact) and recognizing opportunity is, in fact, learning.
• It's far better to look back and say, "That didn't turn out as planned" than, "I wish I had tried that, but I was scared to fail."  Logically, we have a 50/50 chance of success.  Roll the dice!
• We do not have enough books, art, music, groups, gatherings or dancing in the world.  Don't let anyone say that you can't make it or that your talent isn't needed.  
• As Confucius said, "The Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."  Stick to what needs done right now, and nothing further.
• Everything important will get done  And just because something is important doesn't mean it has to be perfect.
• Whatever you do, make sure it is because you truly want it.  When all is said and done, you cannot fault resent others or be angry with yourself.  You were doing what made you happy at the time.
• Covens are not badges of honor.  It's a service to the community, a family lineage.  Don't get hung up in bragging rights.
• The Gods are not "out there" somewhere but they are also not constantly peeking over our shoulders; you must talk to them, worship them, connect with them to bring them out in your life.  If you say you follow a deity, show Him/Her, not me.
• Swift action is not always a bad thing.  If someone needs to hear your painful advice, say it short and fast.  If an upstart needs a swat, hand it out and don't regret it.  You're the only unhappy one when you spare everyone's feelings but your own.
• There is a magical community everywhere.  Some places have more people or more gatherings but there's no substitute for quality.  Find the quality where you are, and you will have struck a goldmine.  

I hope this has been as enlightening a season for you as it has for me.  But if you find yourself on some unfamiliar roadway, speeding far from your destination, remember that it is never too late to say, "Stop a second and gimme the map." 

The "Other One"

When I was a kid, I lived in the shadow of my older sister.  She was in a bunch of clubs and a big-shot in marching and concert band, going on to regionals and winning badges to pin to her uniform as though she was a decorated officer in some incredibly-lame Army.

Needless to say, my mother thought there was nothing greater than to brag about her award winning daughter.  It was not as though I was without talent (winning my own awards for artwork and poetry) but they just weren't the sort of thing that one can brag about in a crowd and have physical proof right there on stage.  So, while introducing us to new people, she was sure to note all the wondrous exploits of her eldest daughter.  But, when it came to me, she seemed to run out of inspiration...or breath.  Whichever, she would introduce me as "the other one".  So there was Catherine, the all star everything with metals and awards, whitened teeth and perfectly straightened hair.  And then there's...the other one.

Now, let me say, my mother was far from exemplary.  She could probably wrote an entire book on what not to do as a parent.  But she did teach me something from it all. 

I was, indeed, the other one.  I didn't have anything obviously superior about me or my appearance that could take the scepter from my Queen Sister's hand.  My clothes were usually of the 'grunge' variety; my hair was short, shaggy and generally uncombed; I was homeschooling myself so I stayed up late and slept in, giving me the appearance of being lazy.  In short, in all the socially expected ways, I didn't try.

But then I left home.  I got around an entirely new set of people and began to take on an entirely new way of looking at my life:  Yes, I had always been unkempt, but not dirty; I was a late-sleeper but only because I spent my nights painting, writing and reading while the house was quiet; I didn't wear the kind of clothes or look the way my sister did because I was expressing individuality.  Slowly my tastes changed, my clothes changed and I got a snappy new haircut I loved.  And you know what?  My sister copied me.  The same person she mocked, she now tried to emulate.

And then I realized -- I was the Other One, with capitals!  Everyone else was just a face in the crowd but I was my own person.  I didn't do things like everyone else and I didn't want to.  I felt no pressure to conform and no pressure to 'produce' something tangible for others to judge.  I hadn't changed anything about myself to please others, only as a natural progression over time.  The way I had been taught to look at my abilities was based on the shortcomings of the one doing the teaching.  I had always had the will (called 'stubbornness' at home) to keep to my own ways despite what was said about them, or me. 

Others may not have done as I did under similar circumstances.  I am very proud that I had the self-pride to stick with my interests and tastes all those years.  I cultivated talents which I still use today.  But if I'd turned against myself the way I was expected, I would not have those talents. Nor would I have the strength of self to recognize and revolt when I'm being manipulated or pushed into a trend.

I have decided to share this story with you because I have seen something similar to this in the Pagan community.  Because we are a gathering of normal people and are subject to the same problems of any other group, there is bad behavior among us.  The one, however, that I feel most compelled to squash is related to this old memory of mine.  The feeling of being 'the other one.'

How many of us are authors or artists or poets or seamstresses?  How many are leaders or lecturers or millionaires?  How many of us look statuesque in ritual robes and absolutely perfect sky-clad?  How many of us have such perfect lives that we never need from anyone?  How many of us have those shining talents that make all the covens, circles and groves beg for our membership?  Not too damn many.  We can't each excel at everything, and even if we could, we wouldn't be able to do it all at once. 

And here's the problem:  I've known Pagan folks who look down on others for not being gifted.  They sneer when you say you don't see that person's aura or that you've not good at divination.  They may even decide to call you out publicly, yelling, 'What?  You've never heard of that?  I thought every decent Pagan knew that!' while laughing and looking around to be sure they have everyone's attention.   Don't fall for this.  You are no less of a Pagan or a magical practitioner because you don't have a magical resume.  They are not authority figures, leaders or teachers.  True leaders build you up and help you gain knowledge and confidence; they don't try to destroy it.

So don't ever be hard on yourself because you aren't good at everything or because you don't know how to cook or paint or build things or whatever it is that a person or group seems to want to love you best for.  If you join a group based on your personality, and not just what they want you to add to their talent pool, you are more likely to be happy but also to someday bloom into your own talent pool.  You may just bring something perfect to a group without either of you expecting it.  Take your time with yourself, experience and learn everything you can, and in time you will find those things you are best at.  So long as you're doing, you're learning.  Keep working magic, keep reading and trying, keeping searching for the right place you belong, and you will succeed.  You may end up giving up on a particular practice or on a group but never give up on yourself.


Non-conventional ways of helping a group or coven:

• Having access to resources: friends or family who own businesses, have land you can use, or the ability to carpool.

• Web-design 

• Singing or dancing talent or knowing a musical instrument (for rituals and workshops) 

 

• Organization (keeping track of group papers and funds, planning and scheduling)

• Knowledge about local history, plants or animals (workshops, planning trips and events)

• Previous experience in another coven or with leading other types of groups

• Aware of local outdoor events, closest or most picturesque campsites, psychic fairs, or meetings by other groups of Pagan interest (such as the Ren Faire, Audubon Society, meditation or herbalism clubs). 

• "Graphic design"  (making signs, flyers, banners, labels for selling products, etc. Creating decorations for Sabbats, altar space, matching robes, etc.)

• Good with kids (help design kids' activities, watch group's children while parents are busy)

• Knowing other interested people (this can be great help when planning open rituals or looking for new members)

• Outgoing, curious personality (this kind of person is always welcome!)

• Storytelling

• Wine-making

• Access to plants useful in rituals, such as oak, walnut, rowan, apple, and cherry trees.

•  Having a camcorder and/or movie editing knowledge

• Knowledge about foods, not necessarily just cooking.  (planning ritual feasts, especially when working around allergies and diet restrictions of the whole group)

• Photography and scrap-booking (keeping visual record of your works together is a great way to really feel those accomplishments!)

It's okay to be the outsider, because 'outside' is a place to be just as much as 'inside.'  You only need to know who you are to get started.  So many of us came to the magical community because we didn't fit in with mainstream society. We're all outsiders and we're all the 'other one.'  But by staying true to yourself, even while others aren't as supportive, in your own time, you'll find your way of contributing and making your mark -- with capitals!





 

The Spell of Salem

Artayous and I recently spent time in Salem, Massachusetts for the Official Salem Witches Ball.  We were returning visitors to the Ball as well as the city itself.  There is something very particular about Salem when it comes to the modern magical community.  This place, which was besieged by the hysteria, backstabbing and fear that was the Salem Witch Trials of 1692 and the setting one of the darkest points in our history has managed to revamp itself as a haven for Witches and magical practitioners of every stripe.  Though this may sound odd, the odd has a perfect home in Salem.  Every trip there seems to show me more and more of its strangeness.

For many Witches, the trip to Salem is like a pilgrimage to Mecca -- a spiritual journey where the devotion to going is just as important as what takes place once the destination is reached.  Those who live nearby like to mention how often they visit, how close they live and who of its many celebrity inhabitants and visitors they have personally met.  Its like a Pagan Disney World.  Though I always have felt that Salem has a particular charm all its own, there are a few things that I seem to learn by being immersed in the magic that is the Witch City.  For those of you who have never been there, are planning to go or have gone again and again, here are my insights into the most famous magical city in America.

• For starters: Not everyone is Pagan or a practitioner, even in what would be considered shops catering to that clientele.  The fella at Witch City Ink (a stop noted in the magazine NewWitch as a must for Pagans wanted to get a permanent souvenir) is a real dickhead, snapping at our children for walking near the scrawny flowers he supposedly tends.  Artayous gave him a few words he probably hasn't heard since covering his arms in tattoo sleeves.  Warning one -- some people are jerks, just like anywhere else.  You're not stepping into a hippie commune but a business district.  Be wary and be ready to stick up for yourself.
• Magical shop workers are not possessed of all knowledge.  I was actually rather saddened by how little some of them knew.  Every shop can direct you to Mandrake in their herb section but no one is actually selling Mandrake.  It's always Mayapple, a totally different plant, but no employees seem to know the difference.  Take their advice and information with a grain of salt.  And don't be shy to correct them or add your own knowledge to the conversation.  After all, sharing is how each of us learned what we know.  You're not being an upstart but a part of the greater community.  This is how celebrities begin.
• And speaking of celebrities -- choose your adoration wisely.  Be sure that when you gush over someone famous there, it is because they are actually producing something instead of just doing interviews or other bits of media.  As has been my experience, those lower on the totem pole are more full of themselves.  They can be very pompous and disagreeable.  It is my belief that as they go along (like a spoiled teen slowly reaching the responsibility and humility of adulthood) they will give up the attitude and take their proper place as inspirations to those under them.  Don't take it personally if you get a snub from a person like this.  Rushing around looking important is their goal right now.  It's not you.
• Okay, now for the good news.  Celebrities who do produce and make contributions to the community are amazing.  Some, like Judika Illes and the Dragon Ritual Drummers, have said that though its technically a working trip, it is a vacation to them.  You'll know the higher celebrities: these folks are the ones walking slow, no matter where they're headed, and chatting amicably, no matter how precious their time.  They love meeting new people and adding advice when possible.  And, like everyone, compliments and (specific) words of adoration always bring a smile.  
• There is something strange going on in the city.  Artayous hypothesized that, due to the large convening of magical people and all their ritual performances while there, the city itself has taken on a charge.  Fall leaves whip into dust devils in open streets, clearly not influenced by the typical eddies between buildings.  People blurt out with enigmatic statements and movements.  Strange objects turn up on the pavement, like a well-worn playing card, for no reason.  When you go, prepare for the "strange and unusual".  It will find you sooner or later.
• It's almost impossible to have a bad time.  This I've noticed no matter how unhappy the circumstances of searching for a particular store, hunting a parking space, walking all day, or dealing with heavy bags or an increasingly light wallet.  When you get home, you might end up reviewing anything that went wrong with some frustration or disappointment, but you are almost certain not to notice while you are still there.  
• There are psychics (or those claiming to be psychic) everywhere!  Many shops have resident readers but I'm talking about the random stuff. I've been handed unsolicited advice about my future, my true self, things I should study or the true meanings of what I say and do.  Most of it is the sort of thing that would impress newbies, since it often said with firm conviction, but they're mostly amateurs trying their hand at random reading ... 
• ... Or cold reading.  This happens A LOT.  Not just here but anytime a large amount of Pagans gather.  Be on the watch for it anytime someone approaches you. You have two options: play along and listen, but stay aware of what you know to be true about yourself, or tell them nothing other than if they got a hit or a miss.  Do not volunteer information -- they can work it around to make guesses look like precognition and if it doesn't fool you, it will certainly fool someone listening in.  If you don't feel like watching this show play out, just walk away.  But watching someone try to cold read you (while very quick) can be humorous in its silliness.  Think, the stuff they cut from John Edwards' readings. 
• The parties are over-the-top, glamorous and wild.  Yes, it is worth the ticket price.  Yes, you do want to go! 
• Bargain shop.  Most places carry the basic products and some at very different prices.  
• If you have something in mind that you'd like to get while in Salem, write it down!  It is incredibly easy to get overwhelmed in this city and forget what you were doing.  If you came for a crystal ball (f.y.i. good prices, lots of selection!), you're liable to cheerfully walk out with a new pentacle, tarot deck and vials of condition oils.  D'oh!

Yeah, I know, that advice was all out of order and continuity.  But so is Salem!  It's a dark, wild, crazy occultist's dream in October and a sleepy, beautiful, magical land all year long.  It has the same troubles that can be found anywhere else magic congregates, but here it's tucked in small pockets where it rarely causes problems for we honored, joyful travelers.

As a final note, the community is not in some far-away place.  It is wherever you are.  Set up events with your coven, between covens, for the public, or for newcomers to the path.  Teach and learn.  Speak up!  Your hometown can become just as beloved to local practitioners as Salem if you make yourself heard and your presence felt.  Places like Salem cannot make you a better Witch or Pagan but it can give you a template of what your own life can be like.  Live magic everyday.  It's not just on vacation but on the job, at your house, on the road, in your family, with your friends, in your reading, your writing and part of everything you do.  Make living a magical act and you will step into places like Salem, not as a tourist, but as an ambassador.

What You Need

After having an interesting discussion with the former head of Pagan Veterans of the United States, I realized a few things.  I am not the only one to feel the great sense of loss and disappointment over the way our community is taking shape.  The poor fellow I was talking to actually went a step further -- he is jaded and ready to give up.  That, I feel, should never happen.  Surely he has seen more things than myself (as I am in a rural part of Pennsylvania and am not terribly well-traveled) which would give him this impression, but to give up is to declare that one has nothing left to give of value, nothing which would be recognized for its value.  Maybe even that there simply isn't any value left in our community. 

What a moment of sorrow.  I feel it too and I think that anyone who has worked to create something better for Pagans in general know what I'm talking about.  This weight which drops so hard in my stomach, and in my conversant too, is the bitter realization that nothing one person does matters and nothing a group of people dreams ever gets done.  It's like watching Rome burning.  But this time, there are Pagans lounging around in it oblivious to what is being lost, even themselves.

In this realization I saw one horrible truth.  More than the lack of commitment and respect in the community which causes this despair, it was the despair itself which became the problem.  Born of sadness, it quickly becomes anger, then disgust and superiority.  Then nothing can get done at all, even when the opportunity arises.  We have to stop the chain before our up-and-coming leaders throw the game before they've had the chance to play for the big leagues.  Once our current set of nationally known leaders is gone from the scene, who will take over? 

The answer is that it could be you.  We can't often see what we'll become in just a few years but we should be striving for the very heights of our happiness and productivity.  I'm not going to use this time with you to rally against laziness and selfishness (as many discussions --even mine-- on the topic of "where the community is going wrong" begin).  As we learn as parents, dwelling on what one does wrong is not going to inspire better from them next time.  It will only breed self-interest as the person tries to protect themselves from criticism.

Instead I'm going to tell you something important:  Everyone wants to be a part of something.

Even if you're a loner who shuns social events, you want to be heard and understood.  Even if you feel that being solitary is the superior route, you want to share ideas and connect with others.  Humans are builders by nature.  We love to take nothing and make something great with it:  houses, cities, businesses, organizations.  But the one that means the most, the one that can withstand the destruction of everything else, is Community.  The community supports those who need help, upholds the standards which excel individuals to great heights, and provides structure for personal and group expression.  It can be our greatest ally but first we need to admit that we need it.  More than just the community needing us, we need the community.  Go ahead and say it out loud:  "I need the community."


An organized Pagan community could help people get bank loans for new Pagan businesses and help them get past red tape with city councils.  An organized Pagan community could help individuals find counseling, mentoring, legal help and clergy in their area and in their price range.  An organized Pagan community could have its own charities, for other Pagans or from Pagans to anyone in need.  An organized Pagan community could have permanent temples, groves and public performances of rituals, plays and others art forms.  Can you imagine such a thing?  Where would you be in this amazing future? 

If you said, "in the audience", then you missed the point.  Paganism is not a spectator sport.  When Wiccans say "everyone is a preist/ess" they are expressing this thought exactly.  We are each in charge and each qualified.  You do something that no one else can do and you should (and certainly can) be in the spotlight, doing it for everyone.  This is part of your True Will.  You can achieve it but you need the community.

It's true that this will require commitment and, yes, work.  But you surely didn't come to this path because it was the easiest or because it allowed you to sit on the sidelines of your own faith.  The commitment necessary is a commitment to yourself and your vision of the future.  The work is only the steps you take to become your best self.  We are all in this process.  No one need create pretense that they know more than they do, for there are many others lower than them as well as many higher.  In order to grow and to become what others pretend, you need the infulence of those above and the buttress of those below: you need the community.

To commit yourself to bettering the self and others, first there is the understanding that while you have something to offer, you also have something to learn.  Listen and assist.  A little humility will gain you a lot from other people.  Teachers won't take on students who are cocky and won't listen.  Elders won't let you in on the tidbits of valuable information they've gathered over the years if they think you won't care one way or the other.  Show people that you care, you are listening, and yes -- that you need the community. 

I, and many others like me, am growing tired of seeing organizations fall through, covens and learning circles disband, newly sanctified outdoor spaces go untended, individual studies abandoned.  We are recreating the death of our ancestors' religions all over again, but we are doing it to ourselves.  Everyone is wanting, seeking, yearning, begging.  There is angst at every corner.  It's being covered up with a thin veneer of mystical jargon which states that freedom only comes when each person only does as much or as little as they choose.  What a costly lie!  Our connections with others have paid dearly for this.  The freedom of the modern Pagan movement is not in our ability to think and act only for the self, but for our ability to offer an alternative to the attitudes of mainstream society.  This requires that we build and sustain a community which reinforces our freedom.  We are not separate from one another.  We are a community.  And no matter what it looks like right now, it can become greater than any one dream of it.  But we all need help.  We all need you.

And you need the community.